3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
