I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We left the knife in your bed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
