so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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