just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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