I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
