batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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