dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
