The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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