i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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