His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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