Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
