Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
