He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
