grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
