Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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