The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
