So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
