He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
