she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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