worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i've created a new STD.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
