Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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