omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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