I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
