normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
