After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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