What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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