I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
too bad you live with your parents still
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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