On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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