dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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