"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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