I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
