Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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