It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
