We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize