the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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