It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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