you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Come on in and take your pants off
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