The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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