That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
