i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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