Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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