Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You may now shotgun with the bride
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize