Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
