OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
