At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
