I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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