even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
