sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it's great music for shaving your balls
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
