I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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