My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
