Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
