Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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