So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
