she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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