there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize