I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
