Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
