Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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