put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Actions speak louder than pants.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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