false alarm. still invincible.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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