My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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