oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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