the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
