God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
