I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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