CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize