Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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