and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
