This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
