He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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