Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize