I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
