I will die if light touches me.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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