I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
