Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
