Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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