my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize