a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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