Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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