And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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