I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
