Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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